the Ultimate Connection

This weekend has been full of me texting people like crazy, making plans, then watching them fall through. It sucked. All my life I’ve struggled with the sometimes- gift- sometimes- flaw of wanting a true, meaningful connection with everyone in my life. This is how my Creator wired me. My heart is most full when I’ve gotten off the phone with my best friend for 3+ hours talking about everything under the sun. Or when I meet with my small group and we’re totally connecting with whatever we’re studying and with each other. Or when I have dinner with a woman so full of wisdom and I get to bare my soul to her and she just pours into me. My most fulfilling moments involve other people. It took me almost 21 years to stop (unsuccessfully) forcing myself to live autonomously, and realize that it was 100% part of God’s will for me to be part of a crowd. His kingdom.

Coming into this knowledge has been amazing for me. I can be myself in Christ and I honestly can’t begin to tell you how incredibly freeing and fulfilling that is.

But then I have weekends like the one I just experienced and I’m left feeling so empty. I’ve put all this energy and effort into regrouping after a stressful work week with the people that I love and care about the most. Yet, I feel like I’ve gotten very little in return. Life happens. Plans are cancelled sometimes for one reason or another. But when cancelled plans or unanswered text messages leave me feeling like I’ve missed out on something vital to my happiness, there is actually a much bigger- much deeper connection that I’m craving.

One of my favorite quotes says, “Whenever I’m feeling lonely, I know that it is God calling me to fellowship with Him.” This quote proves to be so incredibly true. There is a longing that I walk around with to belong. To be intimate. To really connect. Weekends like this one serve as reminders that I can only satisfy that longing with fellowship with the One who created me. Intimacy with God brings the satisfaction of having someone show you that time spent with you is all they ever want. Time spent with you is literally something that God wants all day, every single day. He constantly desires for you to ask Him for His input, He’s constantly with you, He’s constantly speaking to you.

This kind of relationship with any human being would be draining and unhealthy. But what’s amazing is that every single encounter that you have with the Holy Spirit builds you up. It leaves you with more joy, more security, more peace, more strength. It leaves you with the most fulfilling connection you will ever experience.